I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
