Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
