Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
