My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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