Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
