A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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