I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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