I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Success! We fucked roommates!
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