I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
