don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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