Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
