i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize