girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
now i know why i became what i already was.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
