I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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