if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
