i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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