Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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