She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize