it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
