There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
