he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
