Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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