We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
