Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
