yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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