Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
