how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
