Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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