Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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