Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
