i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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