If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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