i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
