im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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