im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
farters have to be the big spoon...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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