Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize