She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
