I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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