i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Operation Purity has been aborted
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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