Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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