Jerry, you need to find god
I think I am morally bankrupt
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
