Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
