i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
