I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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