ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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