I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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