Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize