wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
