How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
