She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
