mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
