how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
