There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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