Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
