Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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