so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
