Porn is love you can see.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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