I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
