If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
