Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
