did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
