Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize