That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You left your phone here
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