Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
