I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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