He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is my gift to your gina
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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