he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
