He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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