it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
