I am spending my child support on dildos
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
there is glitter all over my balls
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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