woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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